Political power may indeed grow out of the barrel of a gun, but on the internet the only damage you’d do would be your precious computer & probably a friendly visit from your local law enforcement. Here I shall present the propaganda material for cycle socialism, so that you can see what terrible consequences the convenience of digital imaging & uncontrolled naïvety can regurgitate back unto the the world.
Having never been a big fan of anything that’s skin-fitting, I had very few pieces of actual dedicated cycling apparel – that is until I got into road cycling on a proper road bike. Riding for anything more than an hour on a “performance” saddle with normal pants is not an experience I wish upon the worst of my enemies. No, not even the one-eyed bastard son of Ming the Merciless & Megatron.
So I got a few pairs of cycling knicks, certainly not the most comfortable to sit down in, as basically you are wearing a glorified diaper, but there be certain localities concerning about oneself that would eternal gratefully thanked upon its own personage (as perhaps English as she is spoke will put it). Unfortunately there’s very little choice when it comes to the design of knicks, and as with all situations like this, I went with black.
Thankfully there are far more choices when it comes to jerseys. It is surprising how many riders from Predictor Lotto & Team CSC you’d meet on a daily basis. Many think it is pretentious to wear team jerseys if you don’t ride for one, and some would even consciously avoid wearing anything yellow whilst on a bike. I think people should have the freedom to wear (or not wear) whatever they feel like, but to me, most team jerseys, particularly in the modern era, are simply poorly designed & unattractive, regardless of contractual obligations with the sponsors concerning what must be displayed. They are too often covered with several vastly clashing logos displayed as often as space would allow. I pity the fool whose responsibility it is to design (unintentionally putting a rather heavy burden on the word) the jerseys, as Mr. T would say. But aesthetics is very much a personal thing, so who cares what others think – especially in the blogosphere.
One thing about jerseys, is that like the number fetish that is the modern clothing industry, sizing labels are practically meaningless. In addition to variations between manufacturers, depending on where the garment is marketed, the sizing can be very misleading. Always try to find out the actual measurement rather than go with the labelled size.
This is the first jersey I bought – unsurprising considering my unhealthy obsession with totalitarian symbolism & propaganda in general, just in case you haven’t noticed.
This is the second, purely typographic, can’t go wrong with a strong sans-serif. Thanks to google, I now know ARBÖ stands for der Auto- Motor- und Radfahrerbund Österreichs, sort of like our NRMA I guess, though it also caters explicitly for cyclists as well.
The hammer & sickle is one of the most recognisable non-commercial symbols worldwide, and imho one of the most successful asymmetrical symbols ever. As I am with most media that doesn’t exist in 1s & 0s, I am a certifiable imbecile, so the workmanship is definitely sub-standard, though I could claim that I was aspiring to capture the proletarian ambiance & spiritual voluntarism of the Spanish Civil War.
One thing I have notices is that many jersey from minor local teams are far better looking than those from the pro-tours, simply because they tend to have a lot less sponsorship details to cram in, there are many jerseys like these on eBay at a fraction the cost of new ones, and being the retro grouch that I am (especially when it comes to clothing):
Another important piece of garment for cycling in the sun a bandanna, they are great for soaking up the sweat, & will prevent interesting patterns on your forehead if you ride for any considerable period of time under the Aussie sun.
Why like most people today, by make a fashion statement about it of course! By wearing 100% original authenticated official cycle socialist merchandise not only demonstrates your unwavering devotion to the revolution, you’ll also be engaging in a social experiment of capitalist market economy which in the end would undoubtedly prove beyond any reasonable doubt that a centralised collective system is the only way for goods & services to be distributed.
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As I’ve only got a basic account, so only one item can be had for each type of product. If you see any design you like but would like it on something else, don’t hesitate to let me know.
A fully featured Java applet that allows you to design your own bike.
Here’s one monstrosity of a Farthing-Penny I knocked up earlier, giving you a pedestrian 9381.9 gear-inches, meaning that for a leisurely cadence of 60 rpm you’d be travelling at a sauntering 2120.6 kph (just under Mach 2) - if you’re superman on steroids.
